The Power of Self Healing
I had a profound healing experience yesterday that I thought to share with you. In all my years as a healer, I never did any work on myself that was so surprising and transformational. I discovered the core of my money issues and the healing process shook my foundations in a way I never would have believed. Since we all have these issues, I thought this little post might provide some helpful insights.
Just to set this up, i came back to the States exactly three years ago after nine years living in London. I had a Tarot reading stall in Camden Lock Market. Before that, I had had a thriving healing practice in Seattle, and made enough money to allow me to travel and live a very nice lifestyle with a lot of freedom and few worries — plus I helped a lot people. In London, I was reduced to eventually having to put in four days a week in hyper stressful environment, reading Tarot cards for a relative pittance. After a while I got so busy that I began to experience serious burnout and everything in my life fell apart. It has taken me these three years to recover my health and balance.
I have an arsenal of healing techniques that have evolved over the years. Among them is a method that actually changes DNA patterning so that you can unload past conditioning and replace it with something you want – so you can move forward instead of being stuck.
Money has been a serious issue for me since my return. For one, during the last year I was in London, I was not able to make very much money so when I came back to Seattle, my savings was used up re-locating and I had to get a J.O.B. I was only able to work part-time because I needed to heal.
Result: barely making it. Then the economy went bust. Combined with my inability to work for tyrants, here I am on unemployment just squeaking along below the poverty level.
I have begun to see clients again. And after twenty-five years of experience, I feel I am entitled to charge premium prices. I have arrange things so that I see fewer clients who pay more for the sake of my health. I do not want that burn-out again. I am still undercharging and struggling with the issue of translating value into money.
A really nice lady was referred to me for a Clairvoyant Reading by a client I have had for years. The reading went so well, that it also over time, and I charged her for the extra half hour. This was great for me because I am determined to feel deserving to be paid what I am worth. But, after she left, I felt guilty.
This feeling of guilt was so strong, I had to sit down and deal with the fact that I felt guilty about being paid — even when I have provided excellent value to the client. The first thought in my head was that if i were a man I wouldn’t even think twice about it and would have charged more in the first place. I remember being told long ago that, whereas female’s in the helping professions are expected to have sliding scale payment options, males rarely do, if ever. I was feeling very tired of how us women seem to have been programed to lose all the time. So often, women put themselves “on sale” as Suzi Ormond says — and its wrong.
I struggled with this curse for an hour or so and realized I need to do something about it, because I am so sick of this mindset. Since I have been on the internet, in the last six months, I have become aware that there are huge numbers of people in this country who think nothing of dropping $20,000 on a weekend seminar — who cry poverty while they money out of their ears. It is a real eye-opener.
Poverty Consciousness Sucks
I grew up in a poor working class French Canadian family in Massachusetts. My father never made more than $20,000 a year in his entire life working in the office of a factory. My mother worked part-time in a department store. There were three of us kids. My mother still thinks $20,000 a year is fantastic money. Cripes, I made way more than that as a part time healer and psychic — even working part-time in the theater! And it wasn’t enough just for me to live on! To make it even more deeply programed, all of my friends have to struggle financially. They are mostly women, and a couple of guys, who despite their brains and talents barely make ends meet.
There is nothing like getting over 50 to make it plain that if you continue on that path, Bag-Ladyville is your destiny when you live in the Land of the Free.
And nobody will care.
So, I decided to use one of my DNA techniques to do away, once and for all, with this stupid Poverty Consciousness. And it is stupid. Its a total waste to live like that. I decided I had to stop putting myself on sale. I am not a bargain basement.
After my usual hectic week, I sat down last night and did this Energetic Re-Patterning of the DNA technique on myself. In this method, you decide if the problem is in your organs — in the Chinese Five- Elements system, or your Chakras. Then you connect with your Higher Self and begin to pick numbers from a list. I have found that even though I have the lists in front of me, I can make myself not see them — I am good at unplugging my recognition of the ones I know by heart.
I started with the Chinese Five- Elements, and this is what I came up with — it was so dead on it was scary!
Question: Why Do I feel guilty Accepting Money in Exchange for My Work?
Organ: Stomach — deficient energy
Reason: Over-sympathetic — Need to Nurture Others
Primary Pattern: Not feeling I have the right to give support and ask for it back. I do not believe my needs are equal to those of others.
(Well, that hit home like a ton of bricks on so many levels. But it was only descriptive and I needed more, so I decided to check into my chakras as well.)
Energy was stuck in my Second Chakra and my Third Eye.
2nd Chakra : Lack of Pleasure
I must sacrifice pleasure to survive
Primary Pattern: Lack of ability to nurture myself
(Another bingo! This one is so me these days, and with a Venus ruled horoscope not normal or conducive to anything good. I could become bitter but I won’t :))
3rd Eye: Vision in denial
Not having the ability to imagine something that has never been before
Primary pattern: Loss of imagination and ability to dream.
(Who me? Things are worse than I thought.)
The Universal Fear was — no surprise:
Lack of Self Worth in the eyes of others. Hahaaha!
My Karmic pattern had to do with Astrology in relation to earth changes,
My kidnapping someone in a past life (these are often metaphors)
and Birth tTauma having to do with my mother’s memories of deaths in the family.
That last one set my mind in a spin. I am the first born. My mother was 20 years old when she had me. When she was quite small her little 3 year old brother had an appendicitis attack and died. She had been left alone with him while my flashy grandparents were out partying and they refused to come home when she called them. so she was left alone to watch her little brother die. Their extraordinarily colorful family crumbled after that. I won’t go on…
In my DNA due to past life carry-over:
(Well that speaks for itself!)
My Womb Pattern: To survive I must fit in
(I’m the last person to do that aren’t I? If I survival depends on fitting in I’m doubly screwed!)
Points of Pain
What really hit me was the idea that I must sacrifice pleasure to survive. That brought up masses of pain. I’m an artist ruled by Venus – I live for beauty and sensual pleasure — or I used to. It also hit me how I was throwing myself away. I can’t afford to do that. I enjoy living indoors in the lap of luxury. i would like to stay in 5 star hotels when I travel. I hate being poor. Though, true child of the 60′s, I used to mix that up with being free!
So, taking that as a point of pain, I began to meditate.
Here is where it all comes clear.
If you come from a poor background, and have poor friends, or are women depending on a man for survival — something my generation was shamed into letting go of by feminism — this may resonate with you.
In meditation, my mind went back over the family history as I had heard and experienced it growing up. It was depressive and gray, black and white. Images of Victorian London ( or in my case France or Ireland) with cobbled streets out of Charles Dickens came up in which I appeared to myself as a poor thing, an insubstantial waif in the street, and then I turned into a hardened woman, old beyond her years, scrubbing the steps in front of my house in the slum. I kept hearing myself saying “scrabbling, scrabbling, endless scrabbling.” That phrase summed it all up. It kept repeating, so I used it as a fuel to move energy.
(This image relates a lot to mother and her side of the family as well, and is one of the reasons for the forced glamor of my grandparents who sought to escape their poor backgrounds by acting the fashionable party people. Of course their attempts to have pleasure, and escape survival mode, backfired horribly. That is the power of conditioning!)
Meanwhile my body from chest to waist and the back of the neck was a solid block of pain. This was where I was holding this DNA pattern of “endless scrabbling.” It was so intense I worried I wouldn’t be able to move it.
In the method I use, you examine the images and feelings held in this energy. You must also forgive whoever instilled it in you, and at the same time feel the pain of what it has done to your life. I had to forgive the whole family tree. That wasn’t too difficult. Many of them had suffered more than me. I had also had a rather amazing life without much money, so the effect of this poverty training wasn’t that bad — until now. The cost of living in this country has become ridiculously high since 2002 and it is slated to go up again.
And it is hard to get older with nothing in the bank, and no support system. Money has become a necessity now.
So I let the images arise of gray and miserable and hardened form in my mind. I knelt “scrabbling” on the cobbles with a wire brush cleaning the city dirt off the front doorstep. Finally, I was able to pull away from the images. As I detached emotionally, I stopped judging the goodness or badness of the situation and this neutralized the fear. Then I let the whole thing sit, there as nothing but a ball of energy.
My whole being shook and shattered like nothing I ever experienced before. Years of pain broke away and I felt myself opening up and expanding — making room for more. It is hard to convey intense power of this in words, but if you can imagine how a genii who has been stuck in a bottle for centuries feels when some one finally lets him out. He can expand to his full size! he can breathe! That would be worth three wishes, wouldn’t it? My aura got bigger and the patterns dropped off like shattered glass. Then I drew the energy into my heart, with forgiveness, and and healing of the wounds took place.
So much for an issue I had not thought of as being important. All the pains in my body that one might associate with age are gone. Lack of money, poverty programing, turned out to be deeper, and more profound an issue than I ever imagined.
But poverty was normal! Not just for me and my family, but for my friends and associates as well. How often do we question “normal”?
The second step in this DNA process is to replace that old program with a new positive one. I wanted to feel free to be rewarded with money equal to the value I give in my services. And that clients are happy to pay me, and I am more than happy to receive money in exchange – according to the just Law of Reciprocity.
Considering I have changed so many peoples lives, that could be quite a lot.
This was even more mind blowing. Normally manifestation techniques are relatively quick, but this shook me to foundations. The kundalini rose like wildfire and started moving through everything and blowing out patterns and DNAs, expanding my energy yet again, and showing me visions of book deals and money pouring down from the heavens in the form of gold coins until I was buried in a mountain of cash.
I sealed it and thanked it.
Today I will do part 2 of this process which is an emotional clean up.
But I wanted to post this to inspire you all to look at your money issues in a new light — as being symptomatic of deeper problems that if left unchecked could magnetize some dire straits to you. Especially you women — stop putting yourselves in the bargain basement sale. Take a page out of the men’s’ book. We should not have to just give and give and give and get nothing back. In the end you could be left with nothing at all.
So maybe just reading about my programing — different than yours of course — might get you thinking about why you have money problems, if you do, and how you might benefit from tackling them head on.
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